Audience of One

Welcome to part 13 of the greatest sermon ever taught in the history of the human race. || You know how the president of the United States will give what we call the State of the Union Address once a year. Well the Sermon on the Mount is what might be thought of as the state of the universe address. || Dallas Willard has taught that there are 4 great questions of life that everyone has to wrestle with, whether they want to or not. What is real? What is the good life? Who is a good person? How do you become a good person? Everyone has to answer these questions, whether you want to or not. These question are inescapable. And you and I will answer them by how we live. || In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gives his answers to these four great questions. || What is real? What do we count on? God and his kingdom — his will and his reign. Jesus taught that the foundation of existence is not some random universe — it’s not a giant, meaningless machine, quarks, or photons. It’s a personal God of immense power, and wisdom, and love. That’s why Jesus taught that we need to seek first the kingdom of God… because that’s what’s real. || What is the good life? We all want to know this. Well, Jesus gives his answer in the Beatitudes. The good life, contrary to contemporary wisdom, is not based on status, wealth, success, IQ, attractiveness, followers, or popularity. It’s available to anyone and everyone who is in partnership with God in his kingdom. You, right where you are in your life, can live the dream and be blessed — you can know the good life. || Who is a good person? People get confused on this one in our day. Jesus taught that a good person is someone who is receiving and living in God’s love and routinely wills the good of other people. This is not about rule-following. Which is why in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus often contrasts, “You have heard it said…” (behavioral compliance) with, “But I say to you…” (inner transformation). || How do you become a good person? You put your full confidence in Jesus and become his disciple. You seek, with the help of God, to creatively and powerfully obey him in all things. || You see, the reason the Sermon on the Mount is the most influential sermon in human history (and why we’re studying it) is simply because no other teacher answers the four great questions of life in a way that brings anywhere near the guidance or wisdom Jesus did. And he lived it in his own life. And he still inspires people 2,000 years later. || And today we’re going to look at one verse in the greatest sermon ever taught. It’s Matthew 6:1, where Jesus is warning against a common mistake people make in their pursuit of the good life, and how they try to look like a good person. This is a warning. Jesus said: Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. Now the condition Jesus describes here is what, in our day, might be called approval addiction. It’s to live in bondage to what other people think of me — to make my life a performance to be seen by others. || Jesus goes on in Matthew 6 to talk about how people in that day would do this by showing others how much they give to the the poor, how much they pray, and how much they fast. In Jesus’ day, people often pursued status by flaunting how devout they were. || We live in a less religious culture, so we pursue status in other ways. But the temptation is still there to try to live for what other people think of me rather than who I am before God. || We can take something good like giving, or praying, or fasting; or my grades; or my work; or my body; or my family and use that to gain approval from others and feed my own ego. || And I don’t even realize how much of a mess I am when I’m doing it, which is the real danger of it. || You see, anytime you try to win someone’s approval, you can’t acknowledge that you’re trying to win their approval because no one will give you approval if they think you’re doing what you’re doing just to gain their approval. || In Matthew 6, people are giving, and praying, and fasting because they want to impress other people. They pretend they’re doing it because they love God so much, but they just want to be seen by others. And Jesus calls this hypocrisy. And it gets into all of us. It gets into churches like ours. We all do this. We’re able to deceive ourselves into believing we don’t, but we do this. || So in the rest of this message, I want to talk about what approval addiction really is. And I want to talk about what the consequences are — If you live for the approval of others, what can you expect? Then I want to look at what Jesus said the antidote is so that we can move in a new direction. || So what is approval addiction? The nature of addiction is that no matter how much approval you get, you can never have enough. You’ve got to have more and more and more, and like other junkies, you go crazy when approval is withheld. || When my identity is wrapped up in whether or not I’m perceived as successful or as liked by others, I’m set up for approval addiction. And it’s my sense of self-identity that’s on the line. || In other words, when I’m in the grips of approval addiction, I am what people think of me. Whether I am a musician, a businessman or a minister, what matters is how I’m perceived by the people around me. If being busy is important, then I must be busy. If having money is a sign of real freedom, then I must have money. If knowing a lot of people proves my importance, I must make the necessary contacts. What matters is how I am perceived by the people around me. || That is a terrible addiction, and many millions of people in the kingdom of this world are addicts in it. When I’m an approval addict, I’m always vulnerable to other people’s opinions about me, so my life is like an emotional roller coaster. || When I was leaving the last church I worked at, we were having a reception and a woman came through the line to greet me. She was enormously sad that I was leaving. And I actually felt kind of good about that. I didn’t want her to know that, but it made me feel kind of good. I said, “Don’t be sad. I’m sure the next pastor will be much better than me.” She started crying and said, ‘That’s what they said last time, but they keep getting worse.’” Okay, it didn’t really happen that way. || There’s a fascinating book called Popular where the author describes what happens to us when we go to high school — how there’s a chemical changes that goes on in the brain that makes popularity the most urgent priority in life. And he says those changes stick with us after high school. || Yet the reality is, sometimes the most popular kid in high school is miserable. Sometimes being popular doesn’t necessarily lead to being happy. It doesn’t lead to the good life. || There are two different kinds of popularity. There’s status, which is how we’re able to impress other people — by being rich, or beautiful, or powerful, or famous. And that starts in high school. || The author writes about a student named Alexandra who is tall, attractive, beautifully dressed, and very confident. She’s the leader of her group at her high school. Every student surveyed listed Alexandra as the most popular girl in school. || Do you want to guess who the most disliked girl in that school is? Ironically, it’s Alexandra. She’s mean, selfish, exclusive and a gossip. || Now, the other kind of popularity is quite different. This kind of popularity is about likability, and it’s defined by being others-centered. Status is about focusing on yourself. Likability is about focusing on others. Status is about you — what you’re doing, your life. Likability is about others — you’re genuinely interested in other people and you listen a lot. When you’re with a person who’s striving for status, you feel unimportant, like you’re less than. When you’re with a likable person, you feel like they’re bringing out the best in you. You feel like your life matters. || To be likable (to be trustworthy, to genuinely care for other people, to will their good) really is the same quality Jesus describes with a word that sounds churchy to us, which is righteous. || We could actually translate Matthew 5:20 (a core statement in the Sermon on the Mount): “Unless your likability surpasses the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.” We think of righteousness as this kind of a pious thing, but really it’s nothing more than being a likable, caring, loving person. || Now, the problem for people who suffer from approval addiction is they can never get enough. People who study approval addiction say addicts end up engaging in what’s sometimes called excessive reassurance seeking. They’re always checking in to find out, “What do you think about me?” They’re apologizing… or they’re asking, “Do you like what I just did?” Underneath it, you feel manipulated because you know they’re just trying to use you to satisfy their own craving for approval. || By the way, how is this sermon going so far? Is it going well? Are you finding this information useful? || Now, the alternative to approval addiction is this — to live before an audience of one. || Soren Kierkegaard talked about the idea of living as though I have an audience which consists of God alone. || What Kierkegaard recognizes is that we were made to seek approval. We can’t help it. You see this in babies — when they’re loved, when they’re noticed, when they’re cherished, they just radiate joy. || So the question isn’t — will I seek approval? The question is — where will I seek it? I have an infinite need for approval. That’s part of being human. And God has an infinite supply. Only God does. || Jesus said if you want to become a good person and live the good life, you enter into the kingdom of God (what is most real), and you live to please God. You live to be approved by God. You find security in God’s love. You find your identity in the image of God. You find your hope in the strength and power of God. You live for God’s approval, not human approval. || In fact, you cannot actually live for both God’s approval and human approval. You have to choose one or the other. The apostle Paul said: Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. I’d be performing, pleasing, guessing, pretending and calculating. || Paul also wrote to the church at Corinth when they were going through a mess. He said to them: I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court. I want to give you a little phrase to take into your week with you if you want to work on approval addiction. The phrase is — “I don’t care.” It’s incredibly liberating. When some so-called fashion expert doesn’t approve of your outfit… “I don’t care.” When an expert interior decorator doesn’t approve of your décor… “I don’t care.” When the cool kids don’t approve of your music playlist… “I don’t care.” When a coworker doesn’t like your idea… “I don’t care.” When a police officer doesn’t like how fast you were driving… “I don’t…” Okay, you may want to care a little bit about that one. || Now, this doesn’t mean, “I don’t care about you.” What this means is — “I live for an audience of one, and you are not the one.” || You see, God is not calling you to win everyone’s approval. When I started working at a church I remember having this kind of weird thought: “Well, one good thing about working at a church is everyone will like me. Because if you work at a church, everyone has to like you, right?” Of course, life is never that way. Not everyone is going to like you, so stop trying. || Here’s the amazing thing now. This is life in the kingdom of God — Jesus likes me. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” I live now in the reality of the kingdom of God for an audience of one. || Jesus goes on to talk about the consequence of approval addition — of doing things to be seen by others, to impress people. Again, in that day, these things were often religious. In our day, it might be athletics, or working hard, or a number of other things to be seen by others. || Jesus says (and this is profound): If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. Now, we’ll see in Matthew 6 in the weeks ahead Jesus goes on to talk about rewards. And this is often confusing for people. || Jesus says, “If you do things to be seen, you’ll have a certain reward, but you won’t get one from God. But if you do things in secret, God will reward you.” || The writers of Scripture talk a lot about rewards and how God rewards us. And thoughtful people are often confused by this. They wonder, “Is Christianity just this mercenary religion? Does it bribe people with rewards?” So we need to talk about what this means. || C.S. Lewis writes about this in a very helpful way. He says there are two categories of rewards which are very different from each other. There are extrinsic rewards and there are intrinsic rewards. || An extrinsic reward has no natural connection to the activity or relationship. It’s maybe a prize or a bribe. An intrinsic reward is naturally connected to what you’re doing. Extrinsic versus intrinsic. || Let me give you an illustration just to be clear on the difference. If you marry someone because they’re rich — to get their money — would that be an intrinsic reward or extrinsic reward? That would be an extrinsic reward. Don’t do that. In case you’re wondering, marrying someone for their money is not a good idea. || On the other hand, if you marry someone for love, you get a real reward. You get to experience love, which is an intrinsic reward. That’s good. You should do that. || If you study to get good grades so that other people will be impressed by your GPA, is that extrinsic or intrinsic? That’s extrinsic. Don’t do that. || If you study to grow your capacity for knowledge, to learn, to be able to know and to discover and to be enriched intellectually, that’s intrinsic. You ought to do that. That’s good. || If you buy a Porsche because it has status, prestige, and will impress other people — that’s extrinsic. That’s not a good thing. But if you buy a Porsche because it has power, speed, beauty, and you’re going to give it to your pastor as an expression of appreciation and love… that’s a good thing. You ought to do that. || Now the writers of Scripture have a lot of important things to say about rewards that are intrinsically connected to life in the kingdom of God. And they’re mostly about the person you will become. || The writers of Scripture will often use physical imagery to describe these rewards because they’re trying to convey a spiritual reality that’s beyond words. || For example, they’ll talk about music in heaven. And the idea is not that we’re going to be playing harps in eternity. It’s about music expressing joy that’s too deep for words. || Biblical writers will talk about saints reigning on thrones. And the idea is not that we’re going to sit on really nice, fancy chairs. A throne is about dominion. It’s about partnering with God to be strong and creative in bringing about good. That’s life in the kingdom of God. || This is what C.S. Lewis wrote: There is no need to be worried by facetious people who try to make the Christian hope of heaven ridiculous by saying they do not want to spend eternity playing harps. The answer to such people is that if they cannot understand books written for grownups, they should not talk about them. People who take these symbols literally might as well think that when Christ told us to be like doves, he meant that we were to lay eggs. || The writers of Scripture have a lot to say about rewards, and we need to think about them like grownups. A lot of people misunderstand Matthew 6. Jesus is not saying if you do good deeds and someone sees them, God is saying, “Well, I was going to give you a reward like an extra jewel in your crown or a bigger mansion, but now that other people have seen what you did, I’m taking that reward back.” The reward Jesus is talking about here is the person you become. The idea is — when you do these good things in secret, you will increasingly be freed from the tyranny of approval addiction. You will have the peace that comes from knowing you’re loved by God. You will have the security of not needing the approval of other people all the time. You will have the joy of being free to help another human being without the constant need for them to like you. You can be happy even when someone raises their eyebrow at you. But if you keep doing things to impress other people — doing your righteous deeds before others to be seen by them, then your reward will be that they will be impressed with you (maybe). God will allow you to have that much. || Now, of course, you will miss the transformation into a good person who can experience the good life, but it’s not because God is saying, “I’m going to take that away from you.” It’s just that you’ve simply chosen the reward that’s incompatible with the one God wants to give. || || So how do you know if you suffer from approval addiction? Your life will tell you. || I’m reading a book that a friend recommended called Glittering Images. It’s been helpful to read. It’s part of a series of books about a pastor who, at one level wants to serve God but then is trapped by his ego. The book contrasts a person’s outward appearance — their glittering image, with their true selves that are broken with hiddenness and shame. It’s written by a woman who was, interestingly enough, a romance novelist and was suffering in her marriage. She moved to England and lived across from this beautiful cathedral. It’s in that transcendent beauty that she met Jesus. And she began to write a different kind of book — these amazing stories about this pastor who was tempted by glittering images. || My friend bought this book for me. I think he’s trying to tell me I might have a problem with approval addiction. “Hi, my name is Matt and I’m an approval-addict.” If you don’t like me, I don’t care. || Do you really not like me? Really? || Alright, now how do we break free from approval addiction? It’s not by willpower. || You might think about it like this — we were all made by God with two basic needs: the need to be known and the need to be accepted. You could think of this as a little 2×2 matrix where I can experience being known or not known and then I can experience being accepted or not accepted. So if I’m being accepted (I’m getting approval) but I’m actually not known (I’m not my true self), this is what’s called illusion. || And this is exactly what was going on in Matthew 6. People were pretending — “Look at me pray. Look at me give. Look at me fast.” They were getting other people to approve of them, to accept them, but they were not really known. This is really an empty way to live. A church could become this. || Now, if no one knows me and no one accepts me, then I live in isolation. And this is an epidemic in our day. The number of people living where they are not known and not accepted just keeps going up in our society. || If I’m known but I’m not accepted, then I experience rejection. This is so painful we will do anything to get out of it. When the writer of Genesis talks about Adam and Eve and says, “They were both naked…” That is, they were fully known. “…and were not ashamed.” They were accepted. They knew this joy. || It’s so painful when someone knows me, and doesn’t accept me. It’s really an interesting thing when we let a little of ourselves be known. And we wonder, “Will they accept me or not?” || I’ve been learning a lot from AA and the Twelve Steps. The first thing they say in AA is, “I’m Matt. I’m an alcoholic.” That’s a little step in the direction of being known. The first time someone says that, it’s a huge step. And people are ready to be rejected. Then what happens is everyone says, “Hi Matt.” In other words, “This is a place where you’re going to be accepted. We’ll actually cheer on your vulnerability.” || You see, this final quadrant where you’re known and accepted is love. It’s where there’s freedom, and power, and life. And this is the kingdom of God. This is reality deeper than quarks and photons. This is what Jesus wants for you and me. This is where you become truly a good person. || || Alright, now Jesus gives two great spiritual practices to his disciples to help with this. These are both things that could be called practices or disciplines. The first one is the discipline of secrecy. Actually, the entire first part of Matthew 6 is an invitation to secrecy. Jesus says, “When you give, give in secret. When you pray, pray in secret. When you fast, fast in secret.” Now again, this is often misunderstood. Jesus is not giving laws here. He’s not saying, “Anytime you pray, do it alone and never with other people. It has to always be done in secret.” What Jesus is doing is giving a practice that will be helpful for those who struggle with approval addiction. It’s not a law for everyone, but for those who struggle with approval addiction — do something good and don’t let anyone know about it. || Now maybe for you, that sounds terrible — “You mean, I won’t get any recognition for it? I won’t get a reward for it?” But Jesus says, as you do that, you’ll discover you don’t need to impress people in order to live a joyful life. You’ll actually begin to experience freedom. Because when you do that, your heavenly Father who is unseen (and we’ll get into this more in the weeks to come) your heavenly Father who is unseen sees what is done in secret and HE will reward you. And you’ll become the kind of person who can live in love and joy. || So go do that this week — practice secrecy. Do something good for someone and don’t let them know. Do something good for someone you don’t like and don’t let them know. That’s even more fun. Write an anonymous note to encourage someone. Do a favor. Clean up a neighbors yard. Get a gift card from a coffee shop and anonymously give it to someone. Just do good things and don’t tell anyone know about it. Do a little experiment and find out if what Jesus said is true. See if you experience freedom and strength. This is life in the kingdom of God. || Then the other practice is — get into a community where you’re loved. Join a small group where you will be known and accepted by a group of people. This is why the church exists. God wants you to be in a little community where you’re known and accepted. || || So if you struggle with approval addiction, I hope you become a follower of Jesus this week and do good things in secret. And I hope you get into a little community, where you can experience acceptance and love. || Alright, let me pray for you. Blue Oaks Church Pleasanton, CA